Your Sneaky Link Does Not Love You
When hooking up gets a little messy
Is Hookup Culture Right For You?
You’ve been in a routine with your sneaky link for nearly three months now, meeting up every weekend like clockwork. It’s a familiar script: they swing by late at night, you exchange some small talk, then it’s off to "watch" Netflix (we all know what that means), and then they’re gone before dawn – until recently.
Those late nights have turned into daytime dates, small talk has evolved into deep conversations, “watching” Netflix has turned into genuine binge sessions of Love Is Blind, and leaving afterward has morphed into spending the night. As you two grow closer, you feel like you’re starting to do the one thing you vowed you’d never do– catch feelings.
And now you’re a little confused because, right from the jump, you both agreed you weren’t in it for a relationship. But there’s this undeniable chemistry between you two that you just can’t brush off. You start to wonder if your body's just messing with you; if these feelings are some kind of trick because, who catches feelings for their casual fling, right? And in your usual hopeless romantic, borderline obsessively hopeful nature, you find yourself drifting off to explicit daydreams of you and your sneaky link in a casual-partner-to-lovers scenario. But reality hits hard when, after a steamy round of morning sex– that moment where you’re not quite thinking right–you gather the courage to spill your heart out, only to receive a response like, “I’m not really looking for anything serious, but we can keep doing what we're doing.”
For the next day or so, you try to convince yourself you're okay, that you’re at fault for crossing a line you both had drawn–except, deep down, you can't shake the feelings you have for them.
Situations like these are prime examples of when hooking up with someone can get a little messy. What started as a strictly sexual, no-strings-attached relationship can quickly turn into an unrequited situationship, leaving you with questions like: Are they leading me on or do they have feelings for me too? Am I just being delusional? Should I end things or continue enjoying the good vibes?
I’m not saying there are rules when it comes to hooking up, but the experience definitely isn’t the same for everyone (despite what your best friends say about the benefits of having “options”). While some people can maintain a consistent sexual partner or a “sneaky link” without catching feelings, others might end up getting their feelings hurt in the mix. So to save you from your next toxic situationship, here’s how to find out if you’re not built for the hookup life.
How to tell if hooking up is not for you
You catch feelings easily:
If you’re notorious for falling in love at first sight, or for swearing every partner was “the one,” hookup culture might not be for you.
Take A.A. (23) for example. She’s one of our Kulture readers who bravely told us her story about catching feelings for a sneaky link: “I caught feelings for my sneaky link real bad and I was DOWN BADD!!,” she told us via Instagram. “I started to like my sneaky link more than I should have and was moving as if we were in a relationship.”
It’s hard to keep emotions at bay when you’re having sex with someone consistently. Those gushy feelings are bound to creep in– maybe through sharing childhood stories or bonding over your favorite music. When moments like these happen, it’s easy to get lost in the moment and start picturing a future together. But swapping childhood tales and freestyling over an instrumental beat, doesn’t automatically mean you’re meant to be.
For those who catch feelings easily, it’s better to fall in love naturally than to waste your time on a sneaky link.
You prefer an emotional connection:
Your sexually active friend might tell you all the wonderful things about hooking up, painting a tempting picture of consistent sex without the hassle of a relationship. No fear of being cheated on, no breaking the bank for fancy dates, and thankfully, no awkward introductions to your partner’s parents. But what if that’s exactly what you prefer, not the fear of being cheated on, but the pain and pleasure that comes with building an emotional connection with someone?
Sure, sex can feel amazing (if you sleep with the right person), but let’s be honest–nothing compares to the intimacy of being with someone you truly connect with on a deeper level. From personal experience, I can tell you that sharing an emotional bond makes the sex so much better. There’s a sense of ease and understanding that comes from being intimate with someone you genuinely care about.
If you’re reading this and thinking, same, then hookup culture probably isn’t your scene.
You prefer stability:
From the words of SZA, "I'm the weekend," sums up most casual sexual relationships pretty well. They're there for the fun, the thrill, but they're not exactly your go-to support system like a boyfriend or girlfriend would be. And they're certainly not likely to drop everything just to cater to your needs. Unless, of course, it's a spontaneous hookup session, in which case, expecting your sneaky link to be there for you like a partner in a relationship might be a bit unrealistic.
When you're looking for someone who's there through thick and thin, who prioritizes your well-being and stands by you, hookup culture might not offer the stability you crave. It's more about living in the moment than building a foundation for something lasting. So, if stability is what you're after, you might want to consider looking beyond the casual hookup scene.
Your sneaky link might not love you, and that’s okay. Everything in life is a learning experience. Whichever path you choose, however–whether it be the hookup way or the cuffed way–always prioritize safe, consensual sex and establish clear boundaries for yourself and your partner(s).
