How To Use Love Languages To Secure Your Next Relationship
Who said love languages were just for the couples?
Kordell and Serena, Love Island USA Season 6. Courtesy: Ben Symons/Peacock
Typically, when we talk about love languages, it’s already within the context of being in a relationship. Now, I’m no relationship expert, but I believe love languages can be beneficial even before getting into one.
Dr. Gary Chapman was the first to categorize these forms of expression in his 1992 book, “The 5 Love Languages.” Since then it has continued to help people navigate relationships in a way that makes sense for every partner involved. While some researchers and relationship experts argue there are more than five love languages, the top five serve as a simple and effective framework for understanding your partner’s wants and needs.
But what if you’re not in a relationship? How do the top five love languages relate to you? Let’s break it down.
First, what are the 5 Love Languages?
When talking about the five love languages, we’re referring to Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts. These five can act as a guide to making any person feel loved and appreciated. So, let’s briefly define them.
Words of Affirmation: expressing love verbally or through writing
Acts of Service: expressing love by doing thoughtful actions that make a partner’s life easier
Quality Time: expressing love by giving attention to your partner through conversation and shared activities
Physical Touch: expressing love through physical contact or closeness
Receiving Gifts: expressing love by giving tangible, meaningful items
how do I Use Love Languages to bag my crush?
Before you do anything, you have to figure out your crush's love language. Instead of playing Sherlock Holmes, ask them upfront. Asking your crush what their love language is doesn’t only garner useful information, but it’s also a fun and interesting conversation starter.
Moreover, it’s best if the person gives two answers. According to Chapman, people usually have a primary and secondary love language. The primary is their preferred way of receiving affection and the secondary is (obviously) their second preferred method. Knowing both will offer you plenty of options on how to swoon your person of interest.
Now that you know their love language, it's time to put the information to use. In support of securing your future bae (we’re manifesting it), here are cute gestures and date ideas that will charm them depending on their preferred love language.
Gestures and Date Ideas Based On Your Crush's Love Langauge:
Disclaimer: Some ideas are best performed after the first and second dates to avoid overwhelming future bae. Some people are uncomfortable with large displays of affection early on, so be mindful of what this person dislikes and likes.
If their love language is Words of Affirmation…
Instead of sending a good morning text, send a voice message
Dedicate a PowerPoint presentation to them
Create a jar of daily affirmations for them
Leave voicemails when possible
Take a Polaroid picture of them and write a short letter on the back of the photo
Frame a handwritten letter
If their love language is Acts of Service…
Bring them lunch while they’re at work
Schedule a spa date
Help them out on a difficult task or offer your support
Accompany them during their errands
If their love language is Quality Time…
Plan a picnic date
Find a TV show to binge-watch
Go the movies
Play a video game or board game together
Complete crafty projects together (i.e. pottery, painting, creating bracelets)
If their love language is Physical Touch (always ask for consent first)...
Play a blindfolded game where you guess which body part a person is touching
Buy them a clothing item (preferably a shirt) covered in your favorite perfume or cologne
Participate in a yoga class for couples
Cuddle
(Fun fact: According to a 2023 survey, physical touch is the men’s favorite love language to receive)
If their love language is Receiving Gifts…
Bring a small gift to each date to let them know you were thinking of them
Gift them flowers
Create a music playlist dedicated to them
Gift them something they've always wanted
What's Next
It’s important to note that these actions are gender non-specific. As a society, we tend to categorize certain behaviors as masculine or feminine but romance knows no boundaries. Depending on your crush’s primary and secondary love language, feel free to experiment, mix, and match, or combine these gestures to really charm your potential lover.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there when it comes to dating. Although it can be scary, it would be even scarier to miss out on your future bae.