Don't Spin the Block! Here’s How to Do No Contact the Right Way
It’s time to let go of your ex and keep it P!
It’s late, and you’re scrolling through old pics when suddenly, you get the urge to send your ex that “You up?” text. Maybe you want to rekindle the relationship, or maybe you just want to have sex one last time. Whatever the case, that itch to spin the block is real—but is it worth it?
Before you fall into an on-and-off cycle with your ex, try going no contact first. No contact—aka the "out of sight, out of mind" method—is when you cut off communication with your ex to give yourself space to heal. It’s not about ghosting your old boo or blocking them on everything (although that may be part of it); it’s about setting boundaries to prioritize your mental health. As Jordan Madison, a Licensed Clinical Marriage & Family Therapist, explains, "It may entail dating others or staying single, but the point is that there is time apart from this person so that you give yourself and your body time to detach from them.”
In other words, no contact isn’t punishment—it’s protection from unhealthy attachments.
If you’re considering picking up the phone and reaching out to your ex, here are some tried-and-true tips to help you do no contact the right way.
5 Ways You Can Move on From Your Ex:
1. Get Clear On Your "Why"
Before you hit that delete and unfollow button, take a minute to be honest with yourself about why you want to go no contact. Is it to heal from a toxic situation? To focus on yourself and your goals? To give yourself space to move on before pursuing a new crush? Setting your intentions will make it easier to stay strong when temptation creeps back in.
Once you’ve established your purpose, remember: staying in touch with an ex might be blocking your healing! According to a 2020 study by a group of Arizona State University researchers, contact with an ex-partner is associated with separation-related psychological distress. In other words, keeping that line open might be stopping you from fully moving on. So, be like GloRilla and get outta there!
2. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them
Decide what no contact means for you. For some, it might mean communicating only when necessary (if you co-parent for example). For others, it means making a clean break—no calling, no texting, no following each other on socials.
And yes, that means avoiding lurking on their Instagram stories and ‘accidentally’ liking their posts. Stalking through apps (or in general) is not the move! Stand on business and decide how you want to cut off access.
3. Don’t Close Yourself Off
It may be tempting to go into isolation after a breakup, but leaning on your support system is the way to go. Hit up your best friend (yes, the one you distanced yourself from once you got a bae). Plan a night out on the town with the group chat, or have a game night with the fam to keep your mind off your ex.
Believe it or not, breakups require you to grieve, so it’s important to feel all the negative emotions that come with it—with people. That’s where venting sessions with your besties come in, but remember, y’all may not handle heartbreak the same way. As stated by Therapy for Black Girls, "It’s also important to not compare the way you experience your breakup with the ways others have experienced theirs. Again, well-meaning friends may be quick to offer solutions that worked for them. This does not mean they will work for you." So, if you’re not ready to be outside, spend quality time reflecting with your crew to feel less lonely.
4. Create A New Routine
When you cut someone off, you’re also getting rid of the routines you shared. For example, you and your ex probably used to hit the same gym together. Now, every time you walk in, it feels like they’re still there. That might trigger you to initiate contact—try not to give in! Instead, find a new gym or and explore new hobbies. Haven’t opened a book in a while? Join or start a book club. Are you artsy and want to redecorate your space? Take a rug tufting class. There are so many activities to engage in with all your new free time. Try it—you might even make new connections along the way.
5. Remind Yourself Why You Started
There will be moments when you question your decision. You know, like when you feel like crashing out and blowing up your ex's phone, begging them to take you back (P.S. please don’t do that!). In those times, revisit the reasons you chose to go no contact in the first place by journaling. Make a list of what wasn’t serving you in your previous relationship and keep it on hand for when you need a reality check.
And if all else fails, you can spend your screen time scrolling on TikTok, watching advice videos. Take @jbeinghonest_'s viral video, for example, where she breaks down why you shouldn’t break no contact. She mentions scenarios like how your ex is probably dating someone else and uses the analogy that you can't read the same book chapter twice and expect a different outcome. "The words of the book are not going to change, especially not in a few months."
The comment section is flooded with people saying they’re hurt by what she said but they needed to hear it. Ultimately, tough reminders may snap you out of being delusional.
The Takeaway
It isn't easy going no contact, especially with someone you built a close bond with. Believe me, intimacy can have you thinking you should check in, reminisce, or hold onto the shoulda, woulda, couldas. Just remember to protect your peace and choose yourself in the end.
So, before you spin the block, ask yourself: Is temporary comfort worth delaying my healing?
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