We Asked Young Black Men How They Feel About Dating. Here’s What They Said.
Women are often vocal about their dating experiences. Let’s hear from the quieter side of the dating pool.
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Dating as a Black woman? Whew, there’s a lot to complain about. For starters, we face the highest risk of domestic violence. And to top it off, the media floods us with examples of Black women being publicly embarrassed by their partners. Remember Skai Jackson’s situation? My point exactly.
When it comes to dating conversations, there’s a goldmine of content by women expressing their frustrations. While the experiences of Black women deserve to be voiced, there’s another side we don’t often hear from: Black men.
Sure, you’ve probably heard some loud-mouth opinions from online groups (@FreshandFit podcast), but do those really represent how young Black men feel about love and relationships?
I’ve got guy friends who open up to me about their dating struggles. Many of them feel there’s little to no outlets for men to healthily express their concerns. I get it. Society still doesn’t hold enough space for their vulnerability. As women, we’re able to build community by opening up to one another. Traditionally, men—especially Black men—haven’t been afforded that same privilege.
But as societal expectations around relationships and gender roles evolve, I wonder—how are Black men adapting to the modern dating scene? Curious to understand their POV, I turned to our male audience to hear their side of the story.
We asked 10 young Black men how they really feel about dating in today’s world. From their thoughts on social media to toxic relationships, here’s what they said:*
“I would describe my overall dating experience as confusing. Everyone is really just having fun, which is challenging. And with social media involved, it seems like everyone is focused more on their image than actually finding love.” –N.J, 24
“People nowadays believe in the ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘one night stand’ mottos, but I feel like it leads to accidental pregnancies, arguments, lack of trust, and lack of communication. I believe if you want to start a relationship with someone, make sure it’s with someone you’ll enjoy life with.” –B.H, 22
“I wish more people were more forward, honest, and blunt.” –D.H, 22
“I feel like I’m expected to be a finished product in the middle of the most uncertain part of my life.” –L.G, 27
“Dating is pretty scary because you never know how genuine someone is, meaning you can never be sure of someone's intentions. And based on my previous experiences, I haven't found anyone who I could love 100% and they love me back the same.” –L.A, 22
“Meaningless connection is the most challenging part of dating. I find it hard to move beyond fleeting moments of flirting or romantic chemistry to building something real. I think many of us have trust issues and fear looking stupid, so we continue this cycle of hurt, cheating, and acting on desire over genuine connection.” –J.W, 22
“Social media hasn’t improved the modern dating scene. It prolongs the chatting phase, giving less opportunities for in-person dates.” –W.W, 31
“Dating right now feels a lot like applying for a job—especially if you’re on the apps too much. The reckless, rushed energy of falling in love becomes draining. You have to make sure your political views, cultural values, and even diets align; it’s not fun. On top of that, there’s the weird pressure of wanting every new date to go perfectly or for each person to be 'the one.'” –R.B, 32
“Dating isn’t a big issue for me right now because I’m seeing someone, but the influence of social media and the normalization of toxicity (often masked as jokes) has become troubling.” –I.V, 22
“I think most women expect a degree of hypermasculinity, toxicity, lack of patience, and issues with commitment from Black men. Honestly, most partners I’ve had let me know their biggest surprise with me is my emotional intelligence and patience in a relationship. I like to make people feel heard regardless of where they're at.” –A.D, 20
*Comments have been lightly edited for clarity