The Era of “Unseriousness” and its Effect on Relationships
Is hookup culture ruining relationships?
We live in an era where social media and relationships are very closely connected, making it difficult for anything to go unnoticed. TikTok reposts, Instagram notes, reposts, stories, likes, and comments seem to carry hidden messages, waiting for someone to decipher them. This fusion often fuels the belief among young adults that serious, committed relationships are elusive. It seems like there’s no one out there who’s seriously looking for a relationship. How did we get here? Is the idea of being in a loyal, committed relationship in your late teens and 20s a foreign concept?
“I wouldn’t say it’s foreign, I’d say it’s just so far removed from reality. It’s not unattainable, it’s just the road to getting there is so long that it makes you wonder if you should wait until your late 20s to try and find one,” shared a current college student. “I think the hallmark of the new generation is doing relationship things without ever becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.”
Years ago, spending all your time with someone, going on dates, and spending your nights with them almost guaranteed that you were in a committed relationship. Now, you can have all of that, and more, and still only exist as “sneaky links.” For whatever reason, the current generation of college students and young adults seems to fear the idea of titles, which leads to a lack of communication and overall disinterest in entering serious relationships– hence, the new era of “unseriousness.”
A Morehouse College student shared his theory for why we fear putting a title on things: “What has become popular is no longer the sacredness of marriage; it is Ari and MoneyBagg, India and Durk… the influence is that you don’t need to commit, just spend a bag on each other.” Whether it’s because everyone wants a “trick” or because the thought of serious commitment feels overwhelming, the reluctance towards formal labels is a sentiment many young Black adults share. One can’t help but notice that their white counterparts seem to be settling down and getting married much earlier.
Some don’t view this as a bad thing, though, as young adulthood is all about self-discovery.
“I’ve just come to the realization that just as I am experiencing things myself, others are as well. We’re all just trying to navigate each other,” explained another college freshman.
“Playing the field” appears as a common theme amongst young adults trying to balance school or work, a social life, and their consequential social media presence. Instead of meeting naturally, progressing through dates, and eventually leading to someone popping the “big question,” many young adults’ romantic conquests begin in Instagram DM’s, often resulting in casual hookups and occasional ghosting.
In today's hookup scene, those extended “talking stages” often leave both parties feeling unsatisfied. That's why the idea of linking and ghosting can be so tempting. You get the perks of being laid up with someone without any of the emotional baggage the next day– no worrying about how the other person is feeling or how their day was. Of course, this has its negatives, especially when sex is involved. For folks who believe in soul ties, you’ve probably heard sleeping around can mess with your emotional well-being, (not to mention the safety concerns).
Many young adults have come to terms that committed relationships are few and far between, but despite what is portrayed on social media, Black love is still a thing. You just probably won’t find it in that person posting toxic Twitter quotes on their feed.