What Chloe x Halle say? “It don't have to be lonely being alone.”

In my early 20s (technically, I'm still in them), I thought being alone was pathetic. If I didn’t have a big friend group or someone to be outside with all the time, I felt off and lonely, like I was just surviving instead of truly living. But now, at 24, my mindset has shifted. I’ve realized solitude is something to nurture, not to fear.

When I was a teen, I always had friends I’d talk to on the phone, text, and hang out with all the time. We even had nightly FaceTime sessions that lasted for hours. But the older I got, the more friends started to disappear. After graduation, the days of constant communication were gone (which I totally understood—life be lifeing!). Once I realized that growing up comes with independence and people have different responsibilities, I knew it was time to get used to being alone without feeling lonely.

At first, I tried to fill the space while I was in college, but that was a fail. For context, I went to community college for the first two years, and everyone was distant and already had their own friend groups, so I couldn’t find my space.

But that all changed when I transferred to university because I refused to feel that kind of loneliness again. I joined clubs, got involved with Black student support groups, participated in community service events, and made an effort to build new friendships. I even landed an on-campus job at the school’s radio station, which made me more social and less afraid to speak my mind. It worked, and it felt good. I had new bonds, went out more, and had people to vent to.

But eventually, that came to an end after graduation. Now I’m back at square one.

Months after getting my degree, I fell into another cycle of loneliness that I couldn’t seem to escape. I wasn’t dating, trying to meet new people, or putting myself in spaces where I could genuinely connect with others (and on top of that, I had the pressure of finding a new job). I closed myself off because I kept thinking, What’s the point of letting people in if they’re just going to leave anyway? I felt disposable—until I finally broke free and stopped relying on other people to make me happy.

How I Started Embracing Solitude

All my life, I’ve been around people. Whether it was at school, work, or home—to this day, I still haven’t lived on my own. Having alone time felt miserable, almost like I was being punished for past mistakes in friendships and relationships (yeah, ya girl was toxic!). Even though I’m an introvert, that doesn’t mean I don’t crave some company every now and then.

I spent so much time sitting up in my room that my family started getting nosy. They hit me with questions like, “You got a boyfriend yet?” or “When I was your age, I was out living it up—why aren’t you?” And of course, “You thinking about having kids anytime soon?”

All those invasive questions made me feel like I was doing life wrong (spoiler: I wasn’t). But it pushed me to figure out ways to keep myself entertained and grounded without losing my mind.

At first, I tried to fill the space—background noise, endless scrolling, anything to avoid sitting in the quiet. But after a while, I got tired of running from it. I wanted to understand it.

I started asking myself different questions: What do I actually enjoy? How can I build up my confidence? What new addition to my life could support my alone time instead of distracting me from the inner work I needed to do?

None of this happened overnight. It took small, intentional steps and little choices that helped me reconnect with myself. Here’s how I made it happen, and how you can too!

1. I Went to Concerts Alone

This was something I had to mentally prepare myself for. Concerts are full of hundreds, if not thousands, of unpredictable people. After the drama I’d encountered at previous concerts—I remember one time I bought a ticket to a Leon Thomas concert but chose not to go because I didn’t want to deal with the crowd (something I still regret)—I pulled myself together and went to see Usher in concert on my own. So, just like lifestyle influencer and blogger Teeara Ida, I went and led with the same affirmation she does: “It takes a bad b*tch to show up to a concert alone.”

And you know what? I had a great time, and all of Usher’s old-school jams took away my anxiety. Besides people constantly getting in my way to find their seats, it was the best concert I’ve ever been to, and the vibes were immaculate.

2. I Got a Fur Baby

I got a dog for companionship, and lowkey, he did more for my mental health than I ever expected. Having someone to care for (and who’s always hyped to see me) gave me structure and a little dose of joy on days when everything felt blah. According to the American Heart Association, pets can help ease anxiety, boost your mood, and make you feel less alone. Just having my Shih Tzu around—whether we’re out getting steps in or he’s just vibing next to me—made solo days feel way less heavy.

3. I Took Pictures of Myself in Public

I used to only take photos at home because I was afraid of looking silly in public. One day, I decided to say fuck these people and started snapping photos of myself in the mirror at stores, restaurants, concerts, and even setting up my tripod outside. Even if I didn’t post the pics, it made me feel fearless, even when people gave me weird stares or talked shit. Sometimes, you just gotta document yourself in the moment to feel present.

At first, all these changes felt unnatural. I worried people would think I was lonely or “didn’t have any friends.” (That little voice of shame can be LOUD, especially in your 20s.) But over time, I started to appreciate myself more. I realized that I’m brave, and nurturing (and know my angles very well).

Struggles Along the Way

There were still rough patches. Some nights, the loneliness hit hard, especially when I saw couples all boo’d up on the 'gram (yes, I was hating!). I had to remind myself that solitude doesn’t mean I’m unworthy. It's about being at peace with yourself so you're not dependent on external validation to feel whole.

But even then, being on my own all the time started to wear on me. I felt emotionally drained in ways I couldn’t always explain. That’s when I realized I needed to be more mindful of what I was feeling and find ways to comfort myself without shame.

Ayanna Abrams, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in emotion-focused therapy, spoke with Allure on how to process strong emotions: “You may notice it in different parts of your body or feel fatigued and emotionally exhausted some days or moments. Compassion with yourself for these natural feelings of unrest will also help you not be too hard on yourself when the feelings arise and give you some ideas of what to do when they happen.”

That reminder helped me stop beating myself up on the tough days and actually find ways to cope. Just because I was learning to enjoy being on my own didn’t mean I wouldn’t still feel lonely sometimes, and that was okay.

Tips on Learning to Love Your Own Company:

1. Start Small and Low-pressure:

You don’t need to book a solo trip to Dubai to practice solitude. The goal is to ease into it without putting too much on yourself. I know it may be hard to put yourself out there alone, but eventually, you’ll fall in love with yourself in the process. On an episode of The B Word podcast, content creator Foyin OG explains how sometimes we try and wait for the “perfect” opportunity to do things alone, but starting now makes all the difference.

“You have to get really comfortable in building your lifestyle…by yourself. Sometimes you really will have to go out to eat alone, go to plays alone…travel by yourself. You’ll find that when you do things by yourself, you’ll find your community along the way.”

So start with small steps and watch how your life transforms!

2. Get Curious About What You Really Like

Explore the things that bring you joy, not just what looks cute on social media. Take the time to figure out what truly resonates with you and lean into it when you’re spending time alone. It could be something as simple as coloring, cooking, or even scrapbooking. It’s funny how these little activities can really help you reconnect with yourself. You might not think much of them, but trust me, they can bring a whole new kind of peace. Sometimes the best moments are the ones that don’t need to be posted, just enjoyed.

3. Focus on Your Goals

Believe it or not, having more alone time opens up space for you to accomplish personal and career goals. I was watching this TikTok by @jduhh__ where she said, “Idk how people struggle with being alone. I ended up getting promoted at both jobs, got a new car, and a 700+ credit score.”

This video made me think about how I can upgrade my life while I’m in a solo space. One comment also stood out to me from this video: “Singleness is the opportunity to do everything you want with no one holding you back,” and they weren’t lying!

4. Remember: Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You’re Lonely

Solitude is your chance to reconnect with yourself and just relax. Loneliness is something only you can truly measure. As Gina Barreca, Ph.D says, “Nobody can diagnose you as lonely, fire you for being lonely, or tell you that you shouldn’t be lonely…” It’s a personal experience, and it’s about how you process your emotions, not just the presence of others. Use your alone time to reflect, recharge, and find comfort within.

Of course learning to love my own company helped me be more comfortable alone, but it also made me feel more alive. Having that solitude gave me room to actually hear myself, trust my gut, and move through the world with a little more presence.

So, if you’re in your 20s and feeling like you always need to be around people to feel seen—take a breath. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re missing out. Sometimes, it means you’re finally coming back to you.