Navigating Your Hoe Phase In Your Twenties
“To hoe, or not to hoe, that is the question,” or whatever Hamlet said.
Ahhh, the single life. You finally stopped hooking up with your toxic ass ex, your skin is clearing up, and you’re starting to feel in tune with yourself more than ever.
Now that you’ve got the personal healing journey going, you’re thinking about returning to the streets—to start the hoe phase.
And while the self-pleasing has been holding you down so far, you know you’ve only got a few times left before you’ve scrolled to the bottom of your Twitter bookmarks (IYKYK).
While the saying “hoe phase” has been viewed negatively, I think it’s time to redefine the phrase.
A hoe phase is a period of self-discovery where you experience new things and people. Whether you’re casually dating multiple people, having one-night stands, or getting ghosted by someone you thought could be “the one,” this part of young adulthood is nothing more than a series of trial and error. But there are a few things to consider before jumping in.
Let go of judgment
Before you do anything, let go of any judgment you might have. You’re grown, so what you choose to do with your body is nobody’s business. If you fuck on the first date, so what. If you have a one-night stand, who cares? If you have casual sex without the headache of an actual relationship, that’s normal! These experiences are all a part of life and letting go of judgment will allow you to fully explore these things.
Figure out what works best for you
A hoe phase doesn’t have to mean the same thing for everybody. Some people might choose to date multiple people but are selective with whom they sleep with. Some people might strictly stick to sex (Tinder warriors stand up). And some people might just be on the hunt for a sugar daddy or mama.
Whatever you want your hoe phase to look like is up to you and what you’re comfortable with. You might need to test out the waters first before figuring out what your hoe phase will look like. But once you’ve figured out your preferences, navigating your hoe phase will become much easier (and it might just save you from some awkward text convos).
listen to yourself throughout the process
People come into our lives for a reason, and it’s our job to decipher what lessons we can learn from them; that’s why a hoe phase can be an aspect of a personal growth journey.
That boy who treated you like a Queen taught you not to settle. That girl who ghosted you taught you self-love. That person who listened to you taught you how to express your feelings. And that one sexual partner who did that one thing with their tongue taught you that you’re a fan of that one thing with the tongue (wink, wink).
We can learn a lot about ourselves through our experiences with other people, so don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone. Just remember it’s all a learning process!
Oh, and use a condom!
Being sexually and romantically liberated is fun, but STIs and babies are not. Safe sex is the best sex. I know I sound like a high school health teacher, but it’s true. Take care of your sexual health by wearing a condom anytime you’re having sex.
Whether you’re ready to take the plunge or are still contemplating the jump, remember that this stage in your life is about having fun and learning more about who you are. Happy hoeing!
