Are We Too Online For Real Connection?
Talking face-to-face has gone out of style, but what effect has it had on our relationships?
We live in an era where every moment of our lives is documented on social media—IG Stories of our breakfast, TikTok workout routines from our friends, and influencer GRWMs that start in nothing but underwear. With an endless stream of people’s lives in our faces, social media feels more personal than ever. But as the digital age expands, the line between real life and online existence blurs.
If social media is good for anything, it’s connecting people from different walks of life. But as we spend more time cultivating relationships on our phones, our real-life social skills may slip.
The Double Life on Digital
It’s hard to tell what’s real and fake on social media. Like so many other users, I choose to share only the best parts of my life, like cute makeup looks, an aesthetically pleasing meal, or a fire outfit. Honestly, you won’t catch me posting when I have a breakout or when my hair isn’t done. Thanks to apps like Instagram, I can curate my image and leave out all the “less aesthetic” moments.
If I'm confessing to my own carefully crafted digital presence, imagine how many others are putting on a front for the camera.
It’s natural to strive for a good-looking life, but today’s generation is mostly cap. “People aren’t what they seem, and a lot of times they make stuff up on social media because they don’t want their real identity out there,” shared a young social media user.
So what happens once we put the phones down? For some, the lack of face-to-face communication leaves them feeling more anxious in person.
We’re Wired for Social Media, not Socializing
Have you ever built a connection with someone online—liked their posts, laughed at their TikTok reposts, commented heart eyes on their story—but when you saw them in person, you barely spoke? Maybe you glanced awkwardly at each other, exchanged a subtle nod, and moved on with your day. It's unpleasant, but a more common experience than you think.
According to a 2024 Deloitte survey, nearly half (48%) of Gen Zs and Millennials engage more with others on social media than in real life, and 40% socialize more in video games than offline. For a growing number of young people, digital interactions are a replacement for in-person connections. In fact, 50% of Gen Zs and Millennials see online experiences as meaningful substitutes for face-to-face interactions. This is the reality of our generation, and it comes with consequences.
Our reliance on the digital world can make in-person conversations stress-inducing and awkward. Online, you can pause before responding, edit your words, and even delete a message if it doesn’t sound right (thanks, Apple). But in person? There’s no backspace, no emojis, and certainly no Do Not Disturb. Socializing offline requires spontaneity—something we’re getting less comfortable with.
“I definitely think social media has messed up my in-person social skills. I’ve gotten so used to just hitting someone up on Instagram or liking their post that it’s hard to hold conversations with people in real life. I’ve even gotten bad at calling people—it’s just so much easier to send a text,” wrote D.A. (24) via Instagram DMs.
Our preference for digital communication has altered the way young adults view dating, friendships, and even family relationships. Many of us form relationships—or shoot our shot—through DM instead of in the club or at school events. This change, along with dating apps, makes it easier to tailor connections based on your specific likes and dislikes, but it also means disposing of people in seconds.
What’s Happened to Authenticity?
Follow. Like. Comment. In today’s world, that’s all it takes to “know” someone. But how many of these connections actually hold weight? Social media has made friendships feel closer than they really are, blurring the lines between genuine bonds and curated perceptions.
When relationships are built on reactions instead of real conversations, they risk becoming surface-level. It’s easy to mistake engagement for connection—but heart eyes under your post don’t mean someone truly knows you. And when we’re constantly presenting the best version of ourselves online, it can make us wonder: Do people like me, or just the image I've created?
For young Black adults, the pressure to perform can be even heavier. “Some people feel they have to perform a version of Blackness that aligns with what’s popular, even if it’s not really who they are,” shared a young Black college student, “This can lead to people pretending to have money they don’t, forcing confidence they don’t feel, or avoiding vulnerability because they don’t want to seem weak.”
Authenticity shouldn't feel like a performance, but in the age of aesthetics and ever-changing algorithms, “keeping it real” isn’t always rewarded. So where does that leave us?
Find a Balance
Despite its shortcomings, social media isn’t all bad. Without it, different viewpoints, inspirations, and connections wouldn’t be just a tap away. It offers spaces for creativity, activism, and conversation. The key here is to find balance. Prioritize in-person connections and sometimes, just put the phone down. Connect with the present moment (even if you prefer staring at your screen).
As we navigate an increasingly digital world, we must ask ourselves: Is social media adding to our relationships, or replacing them? Real connections call for real effort, so it may be time to examine the world beyond a 6-inch phone screen.
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